Exhausted by an extreme exertion of the emotions


It strikes as quite a dimension within the gullible- that assertion of emotional dependency being a trope in the necessary flaunting of cheesy romances. But turns out that despite its identity steeped in some amount of fragility, such as is perceived even in some degree of endearment, emotionally dependent lovers can in fact be the ‘instigators’ in toxic relationshipping.

The proposition of a romantic relation asserting in that indispensability of what is fanned by the emotionally dependent description might be one of much rosiness. For in fact there might appear to stem a certain feeling of validation out of this knowledge in being so loved so as to be relied on to great extents in that capacity. But come to think of it and this seeming scheme in arousing the charms of romance can prove to be somewhat overwhelming in a continuously occurring, or even probably a lifetime representation of its dragged character.

The naggingness that emotional dependency might imbibe as part of its nature isn’t also the only consideration conjuring up for it a conflicting identity. Even more concerning a cause of the matter might be its liability in being mistaken instead as love itself, invalidating therefore the very aura of its initial appreciation as well. The possibility is one that presents as frightening in fact- imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone who do not really love you despite all their claim to that end.

And yet, for all their ‘audacity’ indeed in proclaiming what is a serving of their personal interests as love, emotional dependents cannot really be chided for this aspect of their being. It needs to be acknowledged in all fairness that the way the desire for emotional support creeps in is one of rather subverted understanding. This necessarily means that even the one seeking such comfort in dependency are not particularly aware of this rendition of their ingrained need. But the manner in which emotional dependency persists as a rather pervasive process of demanding directives makes it a case in repulsive toxicness indeed.

In and despite all its inconduciveness masquerading as initial bouts of passionate emotion, emotional dependency is more than widely occurring across the realm of what passes off as love in some form or the other. Love itself being open to as many interpretations of its universal nature as possible, it is not surprising that something seemingly resonating along the lines of the emotional should manage to impress by its wholehearted show in devotion perhaps. In fact, emotional dependency of some sort is indeed necessary for relationships to develop their own basis in specialness to a certain degree. Beyond that angle of the required slant though, emotional dependency comes to assume a identity in much loathing of its rampant abundance.

Why emotional dependency is as true a representation of its identity steeped in the reds of danger as it is in the rosies of its relevance is because of the way it ends up manifesting. Which is to say that in stark contrast to it being an establishment in vulnerability, which is what is very often received as an encounter in intimacy within the limitless realities of love, emotional dependency happens to be quite a lead to anarchy. Such relationships that involve a very apparent emotionally dependent partner are more likely to be emotionally dictated as well by that trait of their appealing.

This also does not compose the entire truth of what makes relationships identifying in some stance of emotional dependency assert as unhealthy. The draw in fact happens to be differently determining of the extent and essence of the relationship, depending on the most dominant perspective through which the clinging finds expression. Contradictory as it might seem, it specifically is the immense awareness in vulnerability upon which the toxicity emerges as a way of dealing with that fear in being invalidated. In struggling to cope up with the possibility that they entertain in being abandoned by their partner as part of their own perceived emotional instability, emotionally dependent people sabotage therefore romances by being too controlling of it.

Emotional dependency conveniently donning the colors of love though is too common a fact of real life romances. The premise of their stemming being the singular specification in intense feels is what makes these two facets of similar stating strike as synonym even when they wouldn’t really be the same script in acting. The ‘in need’ awareness of feeling though is differently constituted in spirit than the actual rendition of what it means to be in love. And while the line of their difference might be obscured in the intense emotional character of each of their being, the proceedings that build up on their divergent dwelling in similarity is one that needs to be differently received indeed.

The construct of emotional dependency is such that rests on the compulsive fore of needing another individual to survive. Survive here can allude to anything and everything- from the physical dependency on another human to the emotional clinging upon their being and of course all that occurs in between this scheme of what is one of the most convenient opportunities in seemingly happy romantic relationships assume instead a parasitic character. Equally contradicting can be the manner in which emotional dependency manifests itself, that what makes it a greater conflict to deal with.

Such stances in asserting emotional dependency that plays out through a coveting of attention of the partner might strike as ‘sweet’ somethings of love. But with a treading of the trails of time through the relationship, not only does this assertion in initial dreaminess take on an essence in clinginess but the intensity indeed of that very dependence is uncomfortably furthered as well. This can very well spark feelings of jealousy or over possessiveness, that does not take very long to transcend the dimensions of the logical. Toxicity seeps in therefore into such relationships where one partner is so overly dependent on the other that they seek to restrain each of their individualities.

Emotional dependence asserts as a constant call for validation in terms of reassurance and support and presence expected out of the other. And while the demands of such attentiveness might prove to be too much to attend to in each instance of the expectation, there also arises more profound issues that do not really harbour much scope in their addressing. Be it the over dependent in the relationship doubting their partner’s feelings for them no matter what or them being entirely unable to function to crippling such extents of concern without the availability of the other, emotional dependency makes for a tricky ground indeed to navigate through.

The case though is not always one eked out as per the interests of the emotional dependent, irrespective of whether they are aware or not of whatever it is that is accruing out of their personality. Emotionally dependent people also expose themselves to the risks of being exploited and dominated and dictated by their partner, whom they cannot absolutely do without. The dangers are manifold and multidimensional as to what one would lead themselves to within this spectrum of romantic relationships, manifesting them as recipes ruining the entire experience of love.

It does not take long therefore for emotionally overrelied on people to begin to dread the amount of emotional exertion their relationship leads them to experience. Not to mention the woe of the dependent themselves who already are helpless in their own state of extreme dependence, compounded further by the similar such distress accounting now to their partner as well. More often than not therefore, such romantic relationships unfurled upon the extremes of this proclaimed premise of what isn’t really love in all cases end in much bitterness. Each partner is left worse off than before and even to extents that sees them emerge as quite skeptical in fact of the whole experience in romancing.

Scarred for life then would be the phrase in alluding to these souls drained out of their emotions in what presented as a prospect in rosy chasing of dreams. The encounter though would be one of stark contrast in reality, as extreme representations in emotional dependence makes love express through ideas in repulsiveness. Which is why cutting off such relationships from one’s life is perhaps the only way to detangle oneself from this mess of the toxic twists even when the lure is one as lovely as love itself. This is easier said than done though for both the involved parties, for reasons differently occurring as per the dynamics of individual exploration. But for those so resolute in their belief about the greatness that love pursues as part of its nature, it perhaps would be worthwhile if one seeks to reverse their residing in extreme emotional dependency instead.

Emotional dependency itself can be tricky to address since those residing in this spectrum of what is some sort of a personality disorder might not really be aware or acknowledging of their identifying as such. Stemming as it does from a less than optimal personal experience in self love or out of deficit accounts of early life deprivations, emotional dependency itself is a very sensitive matter to deal and equally excruciating a manner of living to endure. But because it strives to even further downgrade the quality of life if left to find its own contriving way, it becomes essential that such retrograde realisations are stood up to in all defiance of that might.

Letting love find its way through such extreme expanses of the emotional can indeed be the way in countering what happens to be an assertion in abusiveness. Whether that be one flowing as the foremost necessity in self love or accruing out of equally immersive love relations in romantic character or otherwise, it is the realisation that can help ease this traumatic truth drawing upon the volatile range of human emotions.


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Mario Romeo

The author Mario Romeo