Law \ Legal

Rudy Giuliani Survives Vicious Back Patting In Staten Island Super Market

rudy giuliani

(Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)

There is no reason for anyone to touch Rudy Giuliani. Ever. There’s no telling what kind of filthy, disgusting places that guy’s been!

And yet, a worker at a Staten Island ShopRite supermarket took his life in his hands this weekend, “slapping” the former New York mayor on the back during a campaign stop in support of his son Andrew Giuliani’s misbegotten gubernatorial ambitions.

“All of a sudden, I feel this ‘Bam!’ on my back,” Giuliani told the New York Post. “I don’t know if they helped me not fall down, but I just about fell down, but I didn’t.


Ladies and gentlemen of the jury …

Wow. Thoughts and prayers.

Indeed, Giuliani has been telling his tale of woe to anyone who will listen. Here he is explaining to talk show host Curtis Sliwa, the 2021 Republican mayoral nominee in New York City, that it was only thanks to his overwhelming machismo that he was able to survive this vicious attack at all.

“A group of people are around me, hugging me, kissing me, telling me Andrew’s great,” he croaked hoarsely. “And all of a sudden I feel a shot on my back, like somebody shot me. I went forward, but didn’t fall down. Luckily I’m a 78-year-old who’s in pretty good shape, ’cause if I wasn’t, I’d have probably hit the ground and cracked my skull.”

Giuliani described the alleged assailant as “either drunk or high,” yelling obscenities about Republicans’ anti-women policies and the repeal of Roe v. Wade.

“I say to myself, ‘You know something? I gotta get this guy arrested,’” he said. “I talk about ‘broken windows’ theory all the time. You can’t let the little things go,” Giuliani told the Post

“I’m like, ‘I’m gonna get this guy arrested as an example that you can’t do this. And I said, also, in New York, we don’t prosecute people anymore And one of the reasons I brought crime down is I didn’t ignore stuff like this.”

It’s not that he’s a thin-skinned snowflake — he’s just super dedicated to fighting crime! So police duly arrested Daniel Gill, the suspected slapper, and charged him with second-degree assault of a person over 65.

“He’s doing fine,” Andrew Giuliani assured the Post. “But it’s a sad day when New Yorkers’ greatest crime fighter, ‘America’s Mayor,’ is attacked. I blame the left-wing for encouraging violence. This is crazy.”

In other news this weekend, police teargassed protesters in Phoenix, a man drove his truck into a crowd of protesters in Cedar Rapids, and a Republican state senate candidate punched his Democratic rival at an abortion protest in Providence.

But we wish Mayor Giuliani the best as he recuperates from this vicious assault.

‘He Could Have Killed Me’: Rudy Giuliani Insists So-Called ShopRite ‘Assailant’ Should Be Prosecuted [Mediaite]
Rudy Giuliani slapped by worker angry over abortion ruling at Staten Island supermarket [NY Post]

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she writes about law and politics.

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